The making of Kaliel
Where do I begin with a girl that is a weapon? Even then, where do I begin with a character that took me years to get to know?
Kaliel originally came to me as a shy, fragile bird. The first thing I clearly remember about her is a flash of her running through the forest. She darted around a giant tree trunk and vanished. I replayed the scene in my mind over and over, memorizing the stunning whites she appeared in. Snow white curly hair, knee length ivory dress, ivory slippers, pale skin. I saw her from behind so I didn’t know who she was at the time, but I wanted to talk to her.
It took years to get her to open up to me and tell me about herself, but when she did it was as though I had tipped off an avalanche and her entire story came tumbling out at me. I knew the end before I knew the beginning and the details of her peculiarity were left out of the mix.
She was more concerned with the story part of her story and how she felt about what had happened to her. At the time it was a skeleton of a story, bits and pieces she allowed me to see without being able to form a full picture of it. I kept at it, writing down the scenes she would give me and attempting to fill in the blanks for the rest of it. Every time I sat down with Kaliel in the back of my mind and tried to write out her story, she would give me more. She filled up enough stuff in my mind to fill six books, even twelve books if I wanted to go that far.
Her story was timeless and she always played the same part, the helpless destroyer. I say helpless because there were always circumstances surrounding her destruction, she never meant to destroy anything.
I diligently wrote notes about her story and eventually I finished the first book which was all she ever asked me to accomplish. There was more she had shown me, more I wanted to write about her, but to say she was afraid of letting me write it is an understatement. Half the time she told me she didn’t think anyone should see her story, that it was too horrible for public consumption.
I told her it was unlike anything anyone had ever read, that nobody knew about the flames.
She told me that knowledge about her had been erased because of the dangers associated with her kind. Not only was she hunted by those who wished to possess her and use her, but she was also a danger to herself. She often wondered if people were ready for her story yet, if they were ready to know about the flames.
I looked her up on google too, the violet flame, I read about her and all of her past incarnations. I asked if she wanted me to write about the time she had been in China, or the time she had been associated with Archangels and she said no. She said she wanted me to write about the time she was in love with the Ferryman and all the bad things that had happened because of it.
Over the years and the many conversations I had with her, I began to piece together her personality. Once upon a time she was carefree, living in a beautiful place. She loved the idea of danger, but didn’t want to encounter actual danger. She felt different than the others that accepted her, and she fought for a way to belong. Her life didn’t turn out the way she had planned. She fell in love and that love was forbidden, but it wasn’t wrong. She was naïve, enchanting, unexpected, innocent, genuine, and mysterious. She was also rebellious, curious, afraid and troubled. There was always an inner turmoil going on inside of her as though she knew that she had done something horrible and couldn’t take it back. She was sometimes fierce, sometimes resentful, and sometimes pessimistic. Despite all of that she was always in love with Krishani, a deep, intense, all encompassing, crushing kind of love that stood against all the odds and survived. Despite the horrible things she had done and the horrible things that had happened to her, the one that never died in her story was her love for Krishani. It was a sort of constant, driving force behind everything that she went through.
I couldn’t ignore a character like her, so shy and weak on the outside, so dangerous and volatile on the inside. I had to tell her story the way she had experienced it in order to do her justice. Letting it stay hidden wasn’t an option.
I hope when you read FoS that you take the time to step into Kaliel’s shoes and experience the story the way I experienced it while writing it.
Namaste,
Rhi
